Beautiful Horefrost <3

CookieMac is back! Pt.2

These past months since school started have been pretty crazy to be honest. If you know me well you will probably know what caused the hussle and bussle. I've had so much to be thankful for with many witnessing opportunities at school and so many opportunities to grow in the Lord... But oh selfish me didn't take the time to count her blessings. Thus i wasn't talking to the Lord much, at all on that matter.

School is gradually getting more difficult to deal with... not giving into worldly lusts like all the music out there... its so in your face and inside i'm screaming for someone to save me from it. Yeah, you could say i was coasting. I have been fooled into that thinking because I'm serving the Lord through the Narrow Road Ministries at school and church i have the ability to hide behind a "good" curtain and make it look like i'm doing it with all my heart and only for the Lord.

The truth is, i've been abusing that opportunity to make myself look good... to make myself look like i actually have an important job to do for the Lord. I know that it is important, but i was only doing it for myself. Like Paul said, "I do the things I don't want to do and don't do the things I want to do." So, i have to bring discipline back into my life again, make myself accountable to my christian friends, and give myself the desire to talk about it when i'm going through hard times.

So yeah, i'm planting my feet back on the road again. I just bought a new devotional book and its been a really blessing. It starts out with a testimony about a young man my age and it totally relates with what my life has been in the last couple years. Its amazing how God uses people just like us to open our eyes to reality.

So, i'll leave you with this verse, my favorite one =] ..

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

-Romans 8:28

Prayers and blessings,
CookieMac <3

CookieMac is back!

Far Away- 12 Stones
Something keeps on pulling me down
And I feel like I'm losing ground
Trying just to find my reasons
And losing sense of what is real

Willing to believe in something
Forgetting to believe in me
Will I find my place in your mind
Or will I fall away in time

Now I'm feeling so far away
And now I'm hating you every day

Waiting just to see the image
You follow down my road again
Trying just to find your purpose
You're fading faster every day

Willing to believe in something
Forgetting to believe in me
Will I find my place in your mind
Or will I fall away in time

Now I feel I'm losing time
Yesterday slipped away
When you didn't know
Time and time again you wanted
more than I had to give
To leave me with nothing
I'm waiting and dreaming
Yesterday slipped away
When you didn't know
And no more waiting
Let me back

to be continued.......

Our Love... Us... Forever Inseperable <3

Our hearts speak without volume..with a loud triumphant beating heart we love each other like fire in a desert,

With every breath a flame ignites, a passion deeper than the core

Words of our mouth are useless in this time

We shine

We shine the beauty of our bond, our unity as one

Innocence soaks our being faster than light can reach

The struggle keeps us going through the fire of our lips

All heaven kisses the eyes of we who truly live

Doubt is foreign, foreign to us

One

Holy lust fills our thoughts which nothing can seperate us from

Our hearts speak without volume..with a loud triumphant beating heart we love each other like fire in a desert.

10/27/07... I Grew Up this Week

To the many who know me probably know or have heard about Timmy Quinney. We all lost an extraordinary man two weeks ago today. I don't know where to begin, there's so many things to say about this *miracle* =]

First of all, i thank my Father in heaven for giving me the incredible strength to stand through this rain. Without Him, i am nothing. I would be going absolutely insane if i did not have the joy of the Lord in me.

Second, i want to thank Timmy's family for showing me and many others that how strong someone can be even when you lose your own child. Seeing you carry on has helped me get through this in a great way.

Third, i want to send out a huge thanks to all my friends who have been so comforting and with your prayers and kind words, I have found early on in these weeks that this is not an entirely sad experience, I'm so happy Timmy was such an angel and such a blessing to everyone he knew and i'm discovering more and more how much he did for people, so unselfishly. You guys in the youth group, thank you so much for your hugs and support that night. I'm so thankful that we're all taking this so well. Without you, i would have probbly shut the world out, been so depressed and weak.

I've found the meaning of true sacrificial love in frienship. Timmy Quinney, Sonny Benson & Lougan Dumont went to the face of death and helped each other to the end. God was with them till the end. He willed and planned this to happen for his glory. He used Timmy's life as an instrument for Sonny's salvation, and possibly other's. "When you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small."

Sonny's recovery has given me the hope i would have never even dreamed of. God was so gracious in sparing him for this while. I'm so blown away by the emotional strength he has, i was so worried he would be broken by the loss of his best friend. "Best friend" does not do them justice for the kind of frienship they had, i don't if you can get any closer than they were. <3

.A Blind World.

Romans 7:18-19

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing."

This passage was read in my Student Ministries class this morning and it really came out at me. It is so true, so sobering. I'm constantly thinking and doing things i so despise.. and yet i do them anyway. This week i caught myself thinking some sinful things and i had no idea why i was thinking them.. they just came.. and i was like "What??? How did i ever get thinking that??" i just said, "Get away! now! i don't want you anymore!" It immediately vanished but it still so surprised me how fast it came with little effort.

This proves how we are so sinful, through and through. And we as christians are so aware of this sinful desire that we commit daily... but i was thinking today... what about the world? What do they know about sin? It doesn't affect them.. and they're rarely guilty.. how can they know the devastating effects of sin and it's wicked ways?... they worship sin. The world is unaware of what is good. Of course they faintly see the effects of sin daily, but just think of it as mishaps. The wars and deaths and tragedies and disasters effect them so, but they only see it as misfortune.

The world is SO unaware of the good things God wants to see in us... and don't even know that they are GOOD, desirable, admirable things. For example, pride is the one thing that the world absolutely loves and inhabits... and at the same time, its the very thing God hates. Luke 4:11- "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." It sadens me so, to think how blind the world is to the most amazing things in life. Anyways, just wanted to jot down those few things for today. Have a good one y'all. God bless you this week :)

In Christ,

Courtney ♥

Hard Work?

Excerpt from "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" by Sean Covey.......

"I was listening to a speech on tape when the speaker began comparing the challenges faced by today's teens to those of teens who lived 150 years ago. I listened with interest. I agreed wth most of what he said until this: "The challenge that teens faced 150 years ago was hard work. The challenge that teens face today is a lack of hard work. "

Ex-squeeze me! I mumbled to myself. A lack of hard work? What are you smokin'? I think teens are busier today and working harder than ever. I see it with my own eyes every day. Between school, extracurricular activites, teams, clubs, student government, athletics, partime jobs, helping to raise a younger brother or sister, and on and on, there's barely time to breathe. A lack of hard work? Ha! Milking cows and mending fences doesn't sound any more difficult than juggling the multifaceted life of a modern teen. "

__________________________________

Courtney's comments:

Hard work... its what we all have to do in order to be successful. If you avoid it, you're gonna fail. The question is, are you enjoying your work?

mentality - (a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations)

Whats your mentality towards what your parents ask you to do.. the favors friends ask of you... your school work?

Your mentality will make the huge difference in your life of work. Just think... you have 10 months of school.... 5 days a week.... what are you going to do with that time? The only way to overcome it, is to enjoy it and have the will to succeed.... all which comes from a desire to respect the authority that God has placed above you to teach & correct you... to prepare you for life... and most importantly, the ultimate desire to gloirfy God in all that you do. So as a christian, you would naturally be a person of character and dignity towards the work, hard work.. God has placed in your life.

Anyways, i was just reading that book and liked that little article... and wanted to expand on it with a christian point of view.

Have a great day =]

In Christ,

Courtney <3

R£ÅLït¥» Tªk€ a LغK

Intro:

First of all... to the few people that read this blog... i'm so sorry i have not been keeping ontop of this.. i've been lazy... and busy... and just whatever the past couple months, but now that everything is back to the normal school routine, everything is a lot more smoother... and absolutely wonderful.

This summer my soul was kind of down in the pits.. i wasn't excited and enthusiastic about spiritual things (due to some sin in my life). I did want to get back up on my feet, but not completely... and my whole heart wasn't there. As September was quickly approaching i was scared that i wouldn't have the spiritual strength I needed to start school in the fall. I was scared i lost the mindset and energy i had earlier in the summer towards going into the public school system as a christian. About a week and a half before school started i started praying my little slefish heart out that God would radically change my attitude and that i would regain the relationship i had with Him.

I had no idea about it, but God was changing my heart while i was praying, and through the encouragement of my amazing, faithful christian friends I once again found the love of Christ lavished on me. I'd like to say i'm back to normal again now, in every way... and even better.

When people ask me how my first week of school went i say "Great!" It really is such a blessing and i had no idea what i was missing when i was homeschooling... though, this couldn't be a more perfect time to go back to school.

I'm more mature, and i can handle a lot more of everything (than i would have in gr. 7).. and my attitude.. well, i don't even know where to begin. I don't know how to say this without sounding selfish, but i'm the luckiest person in the world cuz i'm going to that school. It's not the school.. its not the teachers or education, and its not even the friends that's there.. its the attitude and enthusiasm God daily places in my heart with more and more love as He gives it.

I find it so incredibly amazing how i can minute-ly (if thats a word), openly present Jesus Christ in my words and actions- in front of hundreds of kids! How cool is that?? You say, "but Courtney, not everything's always going to be sunny and joyful." - that is so not true! Haha.. If i can be joyful in the happy times... what gives me the excuse to be unhappy in unfortunate times? What excuse do i have when i'm staring sin in the face? You and i both know very well of the consequences if i walk down a road of sin ... Why go there? And why even think about making a decision.. just say no! Never think for one moment that you don't have the ability to have victory over sin... no matter how strong the impulse is to do what everyone else is doing.

If your heart is not with Christ's you may find it harder... and you may even find yourself living two lives. With Christ... life is always on the sunny side of the street, even if you are going through the hardest times.. its remarkable how God can continually give you a glowing heart full of peace & joy. I OFTEN find myself humbled at how great our God is... that He is able to keep me calm when someone is putting me down and keep my mouth from retaliating or thinking sinful thoughts.

Looking Through My Eyes:

My approach to the public school system as a believer in Jesus Christ...

1. Make sure my heart is where it needs to be in order to be a sucessful Christian in a body of unbelievers.

2. Daily honor my father and mother, and most importantly, God. (Don't be the teenager the world creates).

3. Be emotionally seperate from the student body. Do not think like the world, do not act like the world, do not look like the world. Despise the pride of life, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes.

4. Honor your teachers! I know this is kinda cheesy... but always smile =]. Shine for Jesus. Do your best... do all your homework, take responsibility and care. I find this one very important, cuz in class... kids can be little jitter boxes...... speak only when spoken to. If you know the teacher or person in higher authority would not appreciate it, don't bother doing it.

5. Be punctual, be consistant, and don't be afraid to proclaim His name. With every appropriate opportunity i get, i try to somehow fit a part of the gospel into my schoolwork. It makes it so much more exciting that way because i'm writing about something i'm passionate for.

6. Be calm and mysterious (l0l). Don't get anxious about anything. [Philippians 4:6- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."]

7. Constantly be talking with God. Thank Him, praise Him, and ask Him to help you whenever u need it. He's not gonna bite you and he's not gonna run away if you ask him a big favor.

8. Analyze the wordly lifestyle and compare it to scripture. Do not buy into anything anybody says before coming to your Father first.

9. When you see someone who's hurting or in need. Talk to them. Look through eyes of love, not contempt. Be gentle... and even quote the appropriate scripture... and pray for that person. Your own personal testimony is a great tool to lead someone to Christ.

10. The 10 Commandments. Live them out.. show yours peers that your priorities and wants are different than theirs. Materialism is not your thing.

11. This one is very important to me.. treat everyone equally. Do not show favor or hate to anyone and never speak badly about someone. Keep your promises, be faithful, and maintain a Godly reputation. Strive for purity in everything.

12. Make every situation an opportunity, whether its good or bad. How you handle it will show your character. Resist temptation. Let that situation be an opportunity to shine for Jesus. Live like Jesus did.

13. Everything is beautiful! That statement speaks for itself. Like Starfield so perfectly said it...

"Everything is beautiful, Even when the tears are falling, I don't need a miracle to believe, Even in the crashing down, I can hear redemtion calling, and everything is beautiful to me."

14. Join The Rebelution.... a teenage rebellion against low expectations. I found this article this week i love "how they do.".... http://www.therebelution.com/about/rebelution.htm

1 Timothy 4:12...

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

So, that's my update for this fall. I'm so glad i could finally just sit and write with no limits. Praise God for giving me the words. Me is happy =D God bless. Please pray for me and my walk with God, as well as my witness in the school. Thanks!

In Christ,

Courtney <3

This is my devotion:

If he is not speaking and if he is not listening, with every moment let his soul burst out in worship for our glorious Father in heaven above.

CookieMac

Matthew 5:16

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Home- Chris Daughtry

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

plea

Please don't be rude to me about this, it just makes it even harder.

I wish things were different, but this is now, i can't change anything i've done, all i can do is say sorry, be repentful and be hopeful. Just choose to live with what life brings you and make the best of it, not gettin angry or doubtful.

Settling for good enough never got anyone anywhere and i find it hard to find happiness in that. The littlest of changes we make in our lives makes a big difference, and it all starts with our attitude in it all.

Jason could probbly say this better than me but..

You're not here for no darn reason.

"You might feel you could never be good enough for God, but Jesus didn't die for good people; He died for sinners like you and me. He will receive you as you are, remove your guilt and change for life if you will call out to Him."- Jill Goulet

I hope you understand how big of deal it is for me to disobey my parents.... but i'm SO thankful for it. I WANT to be guilty everytime i do something wrong. And its not just my attitude, its that secret Light in me. Its not me alone who wants to speak words of joy and peace to you. I want people to see it in my eyes that there's an extraordinary Spirit in me.

A Hermit?

Yeah...i'm alive unfortunately. I think i'm alright. For the past week i've been emotionally numb... on purpose... I've been trying to escape this pain that is bound for me and this is the way i'm choosing to deal with it. I can't be happy, and i can't cry. I'm basically just breathing, talking, walking and sleeping. I guess, in my crazy head, i'm avoiding being a predictable person and people getting to know me, cuz, never will they know me or know my reasons, sometimes i don't even know my reasons, and i'm happy with not knowing everything... the point is i'm frustrated with the reputation people expect of me and i don't want to live up to what they perceive of me. So i will conclude to this: Love is absolutely and totally sucking the breath out of me and the funny thing is that i've enjoyed it, until, that is, i've finally run out of breath and i'm left for nothing...people don't believe me when i say this love is true and its killing me. I figured if i feel nothing at all they wouldn't have to believe me or not.

My Sunshine

You are my sunshine.
You bright my day
With new rays of hope.
You keep me warm
When i need it most.
Even when you seem less obvious
And the darkness is creeping in
Still you are with me
Holding my hand.
The rains may come
And the rains may go
But right now right here
Your love still shows,
You're with me
Every step of the way.
So when i go astray
You'll lead me back with care.
You love me and i love you.
You're my sunshine, my teddy bear,
And if u leave me
So help me God,
I'll fetch the knife.
Because it's with you only
I want to live my life.

The Judgment Question- Beth Moore

Scripture Reading: Luke 9:51-56; 23:26-34

Today’s Treasure: “When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked, ‘Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?’ But Jesus turned and rebuked them” (Luke 9:54-55).

James and John asked Jesus if He wanted them to call down fire from heaven and destroy a Samaritan village that did not welcome Him. They remind me of two little boys holding their popguns, jumping up and down pleading: “Let me shoot! Let me! Let me!” The difference is, this was no game. They wanted to call down the fire of God. They were eagerly asking for permission to be agents of massive, irreversible destruction. Nothing is more permanent or terrifying than the destruction of the lost. We ought to be scared to death to wish such a thing on anyone. Eternity is a long time. Even when punishment comes to the terribly wicked, we are wise to remember with deep sobriety, humility, and thankfulness that only grace saves us from a like sentence.

We know this world is filled with wickedness. As Christ’s present-day disciples, we will no doubt be offended when people reject the Savior as the Samaritan village did that day. God’s desire, however, is for us to pray for His mercy, His Spirit’s conviction, and their repentance rather than their judgment. Christ said even of those who hammered the nails into His flesh, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (John 23:34).

God is indeed the righteous judge. When Christ returns, those who rejected Him will literally cry to the mountains, “‘Fall on us!’ and to the hills, ‘Cover us!’” (Luke 23:30). Judgment is coming, but may the thought of it cause us to weep, plead, and pray. Never boast or feel satisfaction. Only one thing stands between us and the lost: a blood-stained cross.

No matter how common this attitude is, it is terribly offensive to Christ. May we humble ourselves before Him, repent, and daily choose to lay down the albatross of our own egos.

Oh, God, give us a longing—not for the sin of this world to be judged—but for the sinners of this world to be forgiven. Give me the passion to pray for the salvation of the lost. Thank You for having mercy on my soul and for saving me from the destruction I deserve because of my sin. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Adapted from Jesus the One and Only, by Beth Moore, pages 188-189. Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 2002. Used by permission.

June 19th

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands." Ps 19:1

Why?

I want you to see me clearly

Want u to see me thru

Can u see feel this heart?

Can u grasp this mind?

I want to know the truth.

I don't cry and i don't smile

What must you think i am

My actions, my beliefs

Need be explained again?

I can't feel my fingers

And i can't feel my toes

The only thing i feel........

1 Peter 4:7-11

"But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” 9 Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. 10 As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 11 If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen"

There's one thing i noticed this week and its been bothering me... people are complaining way too much. Thats all i can say really- its just what it is. Like i think, lighten up people, there is a way to live without complaining and being with happy with everything thats put on our plate. Life is amazing when you look at it in the light of Christ. Believe me. But yeah.... If only people were less critical of everyone and themselves and just loved life, accept the fact that everyone has their own opinion and their own way of thinking, and don't try and convince them that your way or your opinion is always right. So yeah. ttyl y'all ... luv u

From,
Frustrated

Amazing...

Having a PERSONAL Relationship
with JESUS CHRIST is the most un-earthly,
mind-boggling, out of this world, uncomprehendable
experience ANYONE can ever hold to.

Brought Me for a Reason

O God,
Why am i crying?
Am i so selfish
Am i full of myself?
But you know thats not what I am
O God,
Why am i crying?
Where do thses tears come from?
I don't want them
To see me like this
Isn't crying a sign of weakness?
O God,
Why am i crying?
Is it him? the evil one?
Or is it me, selfish me.
O God,
Why am i crying?
I feel something breaking and healing
Inside of me.
God, I need your help,
Please keep me strong
I need others to see You in me
O God
I want to be a witness for You
Some days I just wish it was you and me.
But God, there are so many hearts
That need to be mended.
Help me help them
I don't know what my heart
Is feeling right now
My emotion has gone dull.
And you're all i see.
I want you to come and come fast
But Lord, I want my friends to meet you
I want to help your love spread to all.
So fill me, Lord, till i overflow
Let me shine the name of Jesus
In everything i do
O God,
You know why i am crying
God its You
You're humbling me, breaking me,
So i may be who you will.
These tears are not of sadness
For in only You i have joy.
God, now i know.
These tears are of love
Its pouring all out of me
Lord, let my friends have a drink
They're all so thirsty
And do not know which water is safe
Cause them to see, Lord
Cause them to breathe.
O God
Bless me and my surroundings
Bless me according to the will
And grace of the father.
Let those of whom i touch
Be changed, bring your Spirit upon them.
Help me walk in Your way faithfully.
Help me use the gifts you've given
For the glory of Christ.
I am grateful my fear is gone
Thank you, Lord
You're all I need
And now i see
You brought me for a reason.

Think About It.

Imagine how magnificantly the angels sing when another child comes home.

Imagine how greatly the angels cry when a child has been hurt.

Imagine how much rejoicing shakes the heavens when a child takes his first step.

Just imagine.

I was talking with my parents this afternoon about staying a strong pillar when everyone around you is yelling and screaming in your face. I gave them a mental picture of what it was like for Jesus to walk all that way to the cross, with all the critizism- yelling- and lieing going on about him. Not any of it was true. There were people crying, people angry, people beating Jesus and yet even through the hardest thing anyone could go through, Jesus remained calm, with a gentle, loving spirit. He did not say a word, he did not retaliate, he did not snicker to anyone, he did not get back at everyone else when they said he was not the Messiah. He did not shove it in their faces the fact that he was the only perfect being on planet earth. He did not have to prove right then and there that everything he said and did was the Truth. Jesus did everything the Father called him to do...no more, no less. Just imagine... i bet Jesus had his mind focused on the *prize* that entire time the soldiers were beating him.... i bet he was praying every step of the way to Calvary, i bet not even for a second he felt hate or resentment for those people. The fact that Jesus was being beaten and tormented for no righteous reason did not hinder him from pressing on and finishing the race for the joy set before Him. Jesus was absolutely and completely loving and compassionate even when He was walking his own walk, right to his very death.

I think this picture of the road to Calvary is a symbol and example of how our christian lives should be lived. Think about it. Jesus was calm and gentle all the time, and always spoke the Truth with love. This life now no longer gives us any excuse to be angry or hateful towards our brother. Nothing else matters but how we choose to live, think and act and where our eternal destination is. We are commanded to love one another just as He first loved us, and obey his Word faithfully....righteously. Think about it.

Courtney <3

Kids!

All to You My Beloved.

I don't know the reason why He brought me here

But i know I want to love you

I hope your realize you're the world to me

You're my everything

I miss having those talks with you

I miss the feeling of comfort when you're with me

Even when the world is against me.

This moment is blurry... the feelings-they're crooked

You've given me one thing, and its all i need

I can love you if i want to, no one can stop it

No one can hinder it.

Yes, we've gone different ways

But our heart is the same

Won't you let me in one last time

Give me a chance to make it alright?

So, the world continues on

Leaving me behind

In these memories so warm

In this love thats not blind.

I can't forget you,

You're a part of me-

And you know me this well-

Nothing can break away from me.

In my every dream, you're right there.

I've made you a part of my thoughts, my life, my actions.

I want to be yours, Just you and I

Together for the rest of our lives.

I re-live the day over and over

When i first loved you

I knew i could never part from you

This love is deep, this love is strong.

My soul burns and hungers for

My love for you to be returned.

You know, this circle is never ending

Please accept the ways.

Go with the flow

It'll be easier that way

Stop hiding from me, i know you're there

Its scary, i know, but in this fear we can share.

My heart has stopped since you were gone,

Waiting for a reason to beat again.

I hate to say it, but i'm desperate for you

The sound of your name makes me uneasy,

It gives me chills.

Whatever you've done, I always forgive

Each day is new, a new time to live.

Can't go a day without thinking these

Sweet thoughts of you.

Only wishing this passion, this dream

Would, somehow become real before my eyes.

Tell me, is it not true...

All these years of loving you

Has it died? Has it lessened?

No, it hasn't, its still growing- safe and strong.

All i want to say is

I love you.

.:A Story by Josh Robillard:.

edited and published by Courtney MacLellan, with the influence of Caitlin Younker.

Josh the great was walking through the forest when he came upon a giant castle. Josh continued in to the castle where he saw princess Cookie and Caitlin. They both looked at the handsome Josh the Great very nicely. So he walked on past, then he saw the king coming so he hid. But the guards caught him to his dismay. They locked him up in the bathroom... a very big bathroom. The king then came in and told him he has to slain the dragon to prove he's not an enemy. Josh the Great thought this is a fantastic way to get to stay in the castle so he did it. So they got him suitted up in armor and he headed out... thinking that hanging with those amazing princesses would be pretty cool. So Josh was riding through the woods when a giant dragon comes after him. Suddenly Josh's horse reared up and he fell off. So, to his natural instinct, he started running for his life! But the dragon was really fast so he pulled out his sword, turned around, and sliced his nose. Now the dragon got really mad so he started running again but this time he blew a huge flame of fire after Josh. So Josh the Great ducked and his armor suddenly melted off! Now all Josh had was his sword and long johns. Josh slid under the dragon and run up his tail and knocked him out cold! Then he tamed the dragon and rode him back to the castle in great victory of his defeat. Josh now lives for the rest of his life with the two princesses and the king in the glorious castle with his pet dragon. THE END.

Update

For the past couple months i was... frankly, spiritually dead. But i'm back on my feet now :) I don't know what to say, when i want to talk about how God has changed my heart in the last little while, i just go speechless, i'm just so overwhelmed in an amazing way. I have watched God change my heart and help it grow bigger over the last month or so.

Right now, I am preparing myself (spiritually) for high school next year. I hope to accomplish setting boundaries for myself when it comes to my conversations with nonchristians and what i do, and where i will go, and mostly importantly, my attitude in it all. I wanna live completely different from how i did when i used to be in public school. I would come home bitter towards my parents, and have little interest in biblical issues. I would also long very much to be accepted by my classmates, so i would act and talk like they did.

Homeschooling made me realize that i hated the person I was trying to be. I guess over the three years of homeschooling i was "finding myself." I have been constantly testing my heart and analyzing my mind and my actions. It has allowed me to be desolate from the outside world for a while and help me focus on what is really important to me. I have finally come to the conclusion, with the help of the Holy Spirit, of who i really am, what i want in life, what i need to accomplish, and the wicked ways of my sinful nature and how i can defeat it.

In my heart, now, i feel a compelling voice saying i'm ready for the world, and that the continous testings of public school will test my strength and faith in Christ and i have confidence that with and IN Christ i will absolutely be able to withstand those testings.

Now i'm totally up for the challenge, and i can't wait! My attitude towards going back to public school literally changed overnight. I spent one entire night wide awake thinking about this and talking to God about it. In that moment He really lifted my spirit, and i'm so thankful. He has widened my love for the unsaved and i feel a deep burning to reach out. .....

...so yeah, that's how i'm doing spiritually. haha anyways, God bless!

Cookie <3

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"Jesus appreciated the fragile nature of the human heart, and with great discernment and above all, love, He made it His aim to connect with it."

It's Right There

Many people do not know what they want, when really, what they want, is right there, standing so obvious in their actions and lifestyle. We all want something that will continually satisfy our needs & happiness. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol to give them an amazing high.. and they continue to take it so the satifaction is lasting, but ultimately, it is damaging- and its the same with most things people hang onto in life. But they don't realize that all that they are looking for is right in front of them, its only the obvious- they'll find all their answers in Christ. In Christ, you will find all the satisfaction you will ever need :)

Proof

Is not He who gives The Giver?
And does not He who is the giver deserve gratitude from the receiver?
So, is not He who is the Giver of Life deserving of the receiver's life?
Is not he who is unworthy the sinner?
And is not He who is righteous, worthy of all what the sinner has?
And is not all that the sinner has, is his life?
Therefore, is not the Righteous worthy of the sinner's life?
Something to think about......

This is For You.

To all my friends who might think I'd hate you if you hurt me.

To all my friends who might think what you do changes the way i think about you.

To all my friends who think my love isn't unconditional.

To all my friends who may think I would never do a huge favor for you.

To all my friends who may think i won't be there all the time for you.

To all my friends who may think that our friendship is only temporary.

To all my friends who may think you're not important to me.

To all my friends who may think i don't have time for you.

To all my friends who may think i won't comfort you when you're down.

To all my friends who may think i'll be ashamed to cry with you.

To all my friends who may think i won't love you if you've turned against me.

To all my friends who may think its all about me...

Nothing you confess could make me love you less. I'll stand by you. I won't let nobody hurt you. I always be there for you. Come to me with your problems, come to me with your anxieties, I'll listen no matter what. I want to help you, I'll love you forever in any circumstance. Though the world may stand against you, and even if you're wrong, I'll be right there holding your hand. I want to protect you from anything harmful. I wanna make it obvious that my love for you is lasting, it will never grow old, and never lessen- it will always grow higher and deeper. I wanna redefine the definition of friendship for the world by saying that i solemnly swear to be your FRIEND for as long as you or i live. What is a friend you ask?

Forever and always
Right there beside you
In case of a need
Enduring love and promises
Never angry or hurtful
Does all that they can to make you happy

My Love is true. It is bountiful and there is always room for more to share. And i will always give you a second chance. I love you.

In Christ,
Courtney<3

Runnin' Straight for You

I'm comin back to You, God.

I'm comin back to You.

Everything is far behind me.

I'm runnin straight for You.

I'm comin back to You.

Feelin good in these new shoes.

Comin back to You, God.

I'm comin back to You.

My past is far behind me.

So far, so far away.

I'm keepin all You told me.

I'm runnin straight to You.

My past is far behind me.

At Your feet i am made new.

My past is far behind me.

So far, so far away.

I'll live for You forever.

Never turnin back.

I'm headin for the finish line.

I'm runnin straight to You.

I'll live for You forever.

Ent'r the gates of gold.

I'll live for You forever.

Never turnin back.

Do Everything in Love

"Speak when you are angry and you will
make the best speech you will ever regret."

The Problem:

I found this quote today and it says all that i've been trying to put into words for so long. I speak from experience when i say NEVER say or do ANYTHING when you're upset or angry. Anger is such a powerful thing, and once it controls you, its like you don't even know what you're doing. I know that when i was angry, and i said something, i knew afterwards that i would have never said that if i wasn't angry. I SO regret saying everything i have said in the past that i've said in anger- when you're angry it builds your thoughts into terrible, hateful words.

The Solution:

Some people have this naturally, but some don't so... always try to keep as calm as you can in every single stressful situation- always look on things with love, care, and compassion. Don't judge or be hateful of things you pitty- rather use your God-given ability, as a christian, to be loving and forgiving, patient and kind. I can't say enough about how good it feels to share the love of Christ in your everyday, every-moment actions. BE the goodie-two-shoes everyone teases- you'll thank yourself & God for it in the end.

When you have friends whom you truly care about, all you can really give them is your love, your abundant, never-ending, never jealous, kind, forgiving love. Speak your kindest words when they are down or hurt, show them you really care about what they're feeling and what is happening in their life. Best of all, do everything in your ability to fulfill their happiness- if it's righteous of course. Put their needs before your own- that will really show that you absolutely love them and care about how they live their life, even more than your own.

So, whether it be your best friend, family member, or enemy- do everything and say everything to them in overflowing love. I definitley know what its like to be in love and totally wrapped around a person- just be like that- with every single person you come into contact with. Be their strong tower in life's storms, be their teddy bear on scary nights, be their mother when they're sick, be their father when they need a hand, be their sister or brother when they just need someone to be there, and most of all, be their closest friend, who will always be there for them, even when distance seperates you, their memory of your love will comfort them in their darkest hour.

Benediction:

I love each and everyone of you so much, i can't even put it into words. More than anything and most of all, i am so in love with my Jesus Christ- He is everything to me. Thank you God for sending your Spirit to be here with us, guiding us, comforting us, and challenging us! Friends, may your hearts be guided by the love of Christ for all of eternity- obeying Him, walking in His precepts, delighting in His law. May your spirits be lifted daily, may you have joy and rejoice in your hardest times and give God all the glory and more.

In Christ,

Courtney <3

Different?

May 2007

November 2006

Trip to Calgary, Alberta.

.The 5th Commandment, The First One With a Promise.

Ok, so i was dealing with a friend yesterday. I was discussing with them how incredibly important it is to maintain your parents' trust. Not many young people care about this because they don't see the value of it in the end.

About a year ago, i read in my christian magazine of several christian music artists speaking of how having your parents' trust is crucial to having an intimate relationship with Christ. It didn't hit me at the time- but now that this "situation" came up- it was so helpful.

I know several times where my parents just couldn't trust me with things, and it terrified me. I'm so happy now that i've regained their trust, and i am a lot more happy in the Lord. Not having your parents' trust builds up a wall between you and them, and if taken too far, it can take a while to break down that wall.

A true believer in Jesus Christ does not participate in habitual sin without feeling somewhat guilty and overwhelmed by the fact that they are outrightly disobeying not only their parents, but God himself. That sin will be no help at all in your relationship with Him. As long as you sin, you will continue to draw away from Christ.

Your parents' reasons and rules may seem completely unreasonable. But no matter what, even if you think its the most stupidest thing in the world, you as a christian will have a desire to obey, even if you don't understand at all. You'll know how important their trust is when you're older. And there'll be so much more love and harmony between you and your parents. TRUST me.

If you ARE guilty about disobeying your parents that means precisely that you absolutely care about what they think of you and what GOD thinks of you. Your christian parents' relationship with you and God's relationship with you are totally connected because God has called your parents to bring you up in the way of the Lord.

I don't know what you're thinking or anything but i know that if you truly are a follower of Christ, you should have the desire to completely remove ANYTHING and everything that would cause you to stumble in your relationship with Christ- you will remove anything that is stopping your relationship with Christ from being the absolute best it can be.

Our weaknesses are tests to see if we really have true saving faith in God, we need to be up for the challenge to go through anything life throws at us and remain faithful to God.

So, for my friends, I pray for each and every one of you daily that every step you take will be with the Lord, trusting in His guidance, love and protection alone. I love you all SO much, it is my delight to see you growing in the knowledge of the Lord, and for those who are not saved- my heart aches for you tremendously. I hope everyone who reads this will be blessed and challenged, and i hope you all have an awesome week!

Love in Christ,
Courtney <3

He Is.

He is the King
Name above all Names
He is the King
Worthy of our praise
Holy and Exalted
Lifted high
He is the King

He is the Lamb
We worship at his feet
He is the Lamb
To you we love to meet
Everyone bows down
Calls You now
He is the Lamb

Susie's Views on Dating and Courtship

by Susie Shellenberger

Many of you want to know my views on courtship versus dating . . . so here are my thoughts:

I see advantages and disadvantages in courtship and dating . . . therefore I don't really “endorse” either, but rather encourage teens to establish healthy, godly FRIENDSHIPS.


I’m single (never yet married) and have had several godly dating relationships. My parents allowed me to date a guy in our youth group at church when I was 16. But even though we dated a year, we only kissed once and we did things with a group and with each other’s families. That first relationship set the tone for my future dating relationships. I make it a point only to date godly men who hold my same standards and are in my same church denomination.


The Key
So when I look at it . . . I'm GLAD my parents allowed me to date. The key is: I have no regrets. I think that’s the bottom line. Can teens today “date” with no regrets? Can they be satisfied to do things in groups and with each other's families and never go past a kiss — if kiss at all? Can Jesus Christ be LORD of that relationship? If so . . . and if the parents agree . . . I don’t see a problem with dating.


But many teens are not into this mindset. I receive so many e-mails and letters from teen girls who have gone too far with their boyfriend, etc. And that’s why Brio will continue to address the subject of dating. Not necessarily because we endorse it, but because teens need so much help in this area.


What About Courtship?
We have run excerpts from Josh Harris’ book I Kissed Dating Goodbye and have talked about courtship as well as dating in Brio. I like SOME of the aspects I read about courtship, but I don't fully accept it.


The way most people define courtship sounds as though it’s impossible for teens to establish and maintain godly dating relationships. I just don’t believe that. I see nothing wrong with two godly teens (with parental permission and who both have the same high godly standards) going out for a pizza and coming back to one of the family’s homes for games or videos. To me, that’s a fun “date” with no regrets. And again . . . that's the key — NO REGRETS.


So, does that answer your question? Brio is totally committed to purity and drawing teen girls into an intimate, growing relationship with Jesus Christ, but we really won’t endorse dating OR courtship . . . but WILL talk about both.


Your Friend,
Susie Shellenberger, Brio Editor

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Copyright © 2001 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

LONELINESS

Wikipedia defines loneliness as this: "Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feelings of empitness and isolation. Loneliess is more than just the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feelings of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact. Lonely people often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness or hollowness, with feelings of seperation or isolation from the world."

Let's face it, every single human being on this planet is terrified of being alone. Everyone is always looking for something or someone to "complete them." It is not good for people to be alone, but its not bad either. From my experience, being alone builds character and gives you strength, while constantly being with other people causes you to be dependant on them and not have the courage to stand alone. But also, being alone can cause problems. Loneliness can make people depressed and they may turn to alcohol or drugs to drown their pain. Lots of time, our loneliness comes from our own doings. We may be lonely because we're not makin an effort to NOT be lonely. Our own loneliness can be caused by what we THINK people think of us, so we start believing it, which makes a wall come up between you and that person, when really, they never said or did anything to make it clear that they had something against you.

Loneliness revolves around the fact that we are way too caught up in your own emotions and we have taken it so far that it has become an epidemic throughout our whole mind. We spend more time thinking about ourselves, than the needs of other people- and this can cause big problems. Loneliness is a said, yet unnecessary thing in our lives and we must equip ourselves to overcome it with the right things. You can be ALONE but NOT be lonely.

-Courtney <3

He is All

PSALMS 23

The Lord is my Shepherd
That's Relationship!
I shall not want
That's Supply!
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
That's Rest!
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
That's Refreshment!
He restoreth my soul
That's Healing!
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness.
That's Guidance!
For His name sake
That's Purpose!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
That's Testing!
I will fear no evil.
That's Protection!
For Thou art with me
That's Faithfulness!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me,
That's Discipline!
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
That's Hope!
Thou anointest my head with oil,
That's Consecration!
My cup runneth over.
That's Abundance!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
That's Blessing!
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord.
That's Security!
Forever.
That's Eternity!

Is It Wrong to Question the Word of God?

John 1:1- "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

I believe, that according to the verse above, our faith can rest on that one truth- because everything contained in the Word of God comes from God alone.
_________________________________________

GotQuestions.org says:
At issue is not whether we should question God, but in what manner—and for what reason—we question Him. To question God is not in itself wrong. The prophet Habakkuk had questions for God concerning the timing and agency of the Lord’s plan. Habakkuk, rather than being rebuked for his questions, is patiently answered, and the prophet ends his book with a song of praise to the Lord. Many questions are put to God in the Psalms (Psalms 10, 44, 74, 77). These are the cries of the persecuted, who are desperate for God’s intervention and salvation. Although God does not always answer our questions in the way we want, we conclude from these passages that a sincere question from an earnest heart is welcomed by God.

Insincere questions, or questions from a hypocritical heart, are a different matter. “He that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6). After King Saul had disobeyed God, his questions went unanswered (1 Samuel 28:6). It is entirely different to wonder why God allowed a certain event than it is to directly question God's goodness. Having doubts is different from questioning God's sovereignty and attacking His character. In short, an honest question is not a sin, but a bitter, untrusting, or rebellious heart is. God is not intimidated by questions. God invites us to enjoy close fellowship with Him. When we "question God," it should be from a humble spirit and open mind. We can question God, but we should not expect an answer unless we are genuinely interested in His answer. God knows our hearts, and knows whether we are genuinely seeking Him to enlighten us. Our heart attitude is what determines whether it is right or wrong to question God.
______________________________________

If your very best friend came to you, whom you trusted with your life- and they said, "The cat walked across the street," Would there not be any reason to question what they said out of curiosity? Wouldn't it just be a whole lot simpler to trust what they said is true and believe that because they only told you that, it is unnecessary to have any more information about the cat walking across the street?

Wikipedia says:
"In essence, "curiosity" is a term that describes an unknown number of behavioral and psychological mechanisms that have the effect of impelling beings to seek information and interaction with their natural environment and with other beings in their vicinity. Curiosity is any natural inquisitive behaviour, evident by observation in many animal species, and is the emotional aspect of living beings that engenders exploration, investigation, and learning."

I say:
Notice the word natural, in the definition. Curiosity is a part of our sin nature. But does that make curiosity a sin? I don't know, but i think that if we christians went through life trying not to pull apart and questioning every concept of God and just believe who He is and what He says and what He does, things would be a lot less complicated and possibly there would be less conflict.

Anyways- just something to think about. I hope you all have a blessed day in the Lord.

-Courtney <3

"He leads me beside quiet waters"